I have been told for a while now that no one ever thought I was that overweight or that big. I was going through old photos, today and came across a few that are a reminder of how big I was. My own daughter and husband had dropped jaws and said they didn’t remember me that way. It’s amazing what a year and a 75 pound loss can do to someone’s memory.
The funny thing to me is that I am still in that big body frame of mind. I know it will take some time to get past that mentality, but I am working on it. I think these photos are great to keep out to keep me in check so that I don’t resort to old ways and go back to that body. I feel relieved that I am not that same person, but I also feel embarrassed that I ever looked like that. Mostly, I feel very sad for my old self. I was always laughing and smiling, but deep down I was very unhappy and very uncomfortable in public situations. I always felt like if someone wasn’t nice to me that it was because I was fat. I would take it internally and beat myself up. I never took the time to think that maybe sometimes people are just rude.
I wanted to make a list of things that I really hated about being so overweight:
My bra straps digging into and cutting my shoulders
The bright red elastic or waistband mark on my waist after removing my tight pants (that’s because I was in a size 22 pants, but refused to go up to a size 24. I would squeeze myself in. I was like a can of biscuits coming out of them….poof, poof, poof)
Thigh chafing (it’s the worst!)
Feeling ashamed
Spending so much time longing to be healthier, but doing nothing about it
Feeling sluggish and heavy
Worrying that I was going to develop diabetes
Dreading the day that my kids would deny to their friends that I am their mom (I used to do that. I want my kids to deny me being their mom because I’m obnoxious or they think I will tell embarrassing stories, which I will, but not because of how I looked)
These are just a few of the things that plagued my life on a daily basis. Now that I see those photos I realize that another twenty pounds to lose is not so bad. I am well on my way to being my healthiest weight ever.
Today’s Motivation:
Start right this second. If you want to make a change in your life, don’t wait until tomorrow, just do it right now. Write out a plan and make an agreement with yourself and follow through.